1. Hold a series of fake community input meetings to gauge public opinion… What do you think about rats on campuses? What would you like to see happen? Please fill out this card and put stickers on this flip chart so we can pretend like we care and are doing something about the problem.

2. Hire a team of consultants to determine what species of rat they are dealing with.

3. Consultants take 6 weeks to test various cheeses to see what works in the traps.

4. Consult with PETA to make sure that the rats are dealt with in a humane manner.

5. Drag this whole thing out until summer, at which time kids and teachers will be out of school and everyone will have forgotten the whole thing.

Steve Smith